If gaining is losing, I have gained

Strange day with similar feelings
Unable to express when I have the expertise of expressing.
Lost feeling beating in my heart while my mind is a miss know it all,
Feeling of crying out loud but not a tear would fall.
How could all of it be a dream and none reality,
When I remember living it every moment,
I was feeling the love and glee.
Every day that began with a smile and ended with the eagerness of tomorrow,
Now I just dwell in this dilemma if it is short termed happiness and long term sorrow.
I wonder if I am awaiting for the nightmare to end,
Somehow experience says this is reality and was already penned.